I’m going to initially buy the $80 student pass, which gives me 10 classes with a 3 month expiration date. Then, if I use that up quickly enough, I’ll buy a “frequent flyer” pass with a one month expiration date but that gives me a better deal- the $140 for 25 classes looks good, but for just $10 more, I can get unlimited…ooh this is tough. I will have four months before I head back home, though, so I think I’ll be able to figure it out

I love the idea of joining a yoga studio. When I do yoga by myself, it’s so easy to get distracted and take short breaks from the poses…if I join a studio, I’ll have someone watching me and correcting my poses. It sounds awesome.

I also decided that when I get back to school I’m going to go raw vegan for a week to (ETA: I might not do this, actually. It could backfire and make it harder for me to eat healthy. I still want to detox, but necessarily in such a restrictive way) detox from all this French food. I’ve been eating okay here- after all, I’ve been discovering new macrobiotic restaurants- but I still feel kind of heavy and, well, like I’ve been eating French food. All I want to eat when I get back is fresh, clean veggies. Mmmm. I might buy myself a blender to make smoothies, too. They’re such a good way to sneak in spinach, and they can be really filling if you add peanut butter or coconut butter or something. Last time I made a smoothie with coconut butter I just had a hard blob of coconut butter at the end, but it was the best part. Mmmm…I miss coconut butter. And peanut butter. Here they just have butter

Today I went to the Musée Marmottan Monet. It was really nice, and I got in some good walking too. I think I walked a little less than two miles, and then I did a yoga flow when I got back- Gentle Hatha Yoga #1 from Yoga Download. It was nice, although I felt like it was too easy. It was a really calm, gentle flow to get me relaxed, though.

I’ll end with a funny video I saw online. I’ll admit that I’ve said about 90% of these things

I know my sister is the only one reading this, but I like blogging, anyway. It’s like a journal

Au revoir!

I’ve managed to find two macrobiotic restaurants in Paris so far. I think that’s quite an accomplishment in the land of crêpes and croissants

So, the first restaurant I went to was Grand Appétit. I walked about 4 kilometers there (about 2.5 miles) and another 4 kilometers back. Yay walking! That’s one of the things I’ll miss about Paris. So, the restaurant was great. It was very simple, and you even set your place yourself. Some guy at the table near mine explained it to me, although with my limited French I had some trouble understanding him. I ordered a small macrobiotic plate (can’t remember the name). It came with purple cabbage, white radish or something, seaweed (I actually ate it! I normally can’t even swallow seaweed since it makes me gag. It was different from the kind I’m used to, though- it was more shredded and moist), lettuce, beans, stir-fried veggies, couscous in the middle of the plate, and a single section of a clementine. It cost €11,50- about $15- but it was worth it since it’s so hard to find macrobiotic-type food in France. No pictures, unfortunately. There was also some free tea that you serve yourself from the same place you get the placemats and silverware. I don’t know if they have the same tea everyday, but the day I was there they had thyme tea. It was really good, and it reminded me of when I was little. I had whooping cough when I was six, and my mom gave me a thyme bath. My mom rocks- when my siblings and I were kids, she always treated us with homeopathic medicine, rather than antibiotics and drugs. I’m pretty sure my strong immune system is thanks to her gentle treatment of my illnesses as a kid.

The next place I went was called Les Cinq Saveurs d’Anada, and it’s a macrobiotic, organic, mostly vegan/vegetarian (plus fish) restaurant. I walked to this one, too, but it was about half the distance of the other one. I ordered a plate of steamed and fresh veggies and salad for €12,30 (around $18), and I was pretty disappointed. The plate was small, and it was just a bunch of steamed veggies on top of lettuce. However, I didn’t order one of their main dishes- from what I’ve seen online, the main platters look really good. I might have to go back again to try a “plat complet.” I got a small breadbasket with my food, too.

I have a whole list of healthy restaurants to try, since I’m not a huge fan of French food- it’s very heavy, and the flavors are too strong. I know, I’m kind of crazy

Au revoir for now!

I bought a sandwich today with salmon, celeriac, and some goat cheesy yogurt stuff on it. I bought it from a Parisian health food chain called EXKi, which has a lot of cool healthy prepared foods. I also got a salad. The whole time I was eating my sandwich, I wanted to spit it out and throw it away. The salmon tasted like fish (duh), and it was all fleshy. I just…I didn’t like it. I ate the sandwich, but I was grossed out by it for the rest of the night. I also had some turkey for lunch (in the foyer cafeteria…that might explain why it was gross) and I had the same sensation. The texture of meat just makes me feel somewhat nauseous. I was okay eating chicken before I left for Paris (I’m taking a French class in Paris, by the way! I left on the 1st and I go back to the US on the 28th), and I loved the turkey bacon, but now I just don’t want to eat meat.

But after eating my salmon sandwich, I felt my heart beating strong and fast, and my body felt warm and alive. The salmon gave me strength, even though I didn’t like it and was somewhat repulsed by it, and I feel like I’m supposed to eat salmon and turkey and chicken and maybe even red meat, too. It’s just so hard to eat it. I’m not eating the meat at school- I can’t bring myself to eat animals that were tortured, although the animals could definitely be mistreated here, too.

So what do I do? I honestly don’t know. I think I’ll be vegetarian here. The meat here is questionable, and I don’t even like it. I’m definitely being vegetarian at school, too. I think I’ll just be vegetarian most of the time, with meat every now and then when I’m at home. I don’t like forcing myself to eat food, since it’s supposed to be a joy, not a burden.

I miss being vegan and being absolutely firm in my convictions. I wish I could just eat whatever I wanted, without having to worry about the environmental or animal-welfare-related impacts of my choices. I miss going through Whole Foods, thinking I have everything figured out when I buy the General Tso’s Vegan Chicken.

Being vegan allowed me to label everything so easily. I loved having the restriction of veganism but the freedom to eat anything with a vegan label. Now I’m just confused. Do I eat meat? Do I not eat meat? Is dairy okay if it comes from a local farm? What am I doing to my body? But by stressing out about my food, I’m probably doing more harm to my body than eating something less-than-ideal every now and then.

So, I don’t know what to do. I don’t think I’ll ever know for sure. I do know that I’m in France, and I want to enjoy it. I think I’ll skip the meat, though.

So, why have I suddenly forsaken animal rights and environmentalism to eat meat? I realized (after reading a couple blogs and reading reviews of The Vegetarian Myth online) that being vegetarian really wasn’t as good for the environment as I thought. As a vegetarian, I relied on tofu and grains for much of my nourishment, and it turns out those are two of the most environmentally-devastating crops to produce. I started thinking: what’s better for the environment, chicken from a few miles away, or tofu that’s been grown in a monoculture, heavily processed, and shipped all the way over here from the Midwest? I’m thinkin’ the chicken. And so I ate some chicken It was delicious, and it didn’t make me feel sick or nauseous or sad. I felt good. I couldn’t believe I’d been missing out on it for so long. I can’t believe it’s me typing this, but: meat is good. Meat is good for you. Humans really are omnivores, and though it’s possible to follow a healthy vegan or vegetarian diet, I don’t think that’s ideal.

Do I feel bad about eating animals? Not anymore. I think about the chickens, cows, turkeys, pigs, and fish, and I feel sad that they have to die for me to nourish myself. But I feel that environmentalism trumps animal rights, and after all, environmentalism includes helping animals. If the whole planet dies, so do all the animals. On the other hand, if a chicken from a few miles away dies and I eat it, that’s better for the environment than buying imported tofu.

I’ve been an omnivore for just two days, but I already feel healthier. I’m not hungry all the time, and when I eat meat, I’m actually satisfied. I no longer feel aversion to animal flesh. I don’t scorn other people for their dietary choices, and I’m happier. I feel whole. I’ve been craving meat for ten years, and now I’m finally satisfying that craving. I had turkey bacon today, and it was so good. It’s amazing to think that meat tastes so good and wholesome, and it just needs to be cooked. I think back to the meat substitutes I used to eat, like soy chicken and fake bacon, and I’m sad that I thought those foods were healthier than real meat. I never relied on fake meat for sustenance as a vegetarian- it was more like a weak version of what I was craving, but I never saw it as super healthy or satisfying.  I relied on stir-fries and other veggie-packed dishes to get my nourishment, but those meals left me feeling bloated and unsatisfied. I’m going to continue to eat lots and lots of veggies, and until my college gets more sustainable meat, I’m going to be a vegetarian there. But for now, I’m going to eat what I’ve been avoiding for years. I’m going to eat what I crave, and nourish my body with wholesome, (mostly) local food.

To conclude: a picture of my first piece of chicken. I made it myself, cooked in a pan with sautéed onion and garlic, olive oil, and vegetable broth. I rubbed the chicken with dried rosemary, dried parsley, salt, and pepper. It was so satisfying, and it was nice to know that the chicken was wholesome and healthy. It wasn’t made out of soybeans processed into tofu, or grains processed into flour. It was just plain, simple, chicken.

I’m procrastinating on an anthropology paper. It’s due Thursday, but I have a shitload of studying and whatnot for other classes since it’s FINALS WEEK. Shit.

I drank too much kava today. It made me somehow both hyper and catatonic. And it was not good for doing homework. The lesson I took away from this was never drink kava during finals week. At least don’t drink as much as I did…

Okay, that’s all for now. Toodles!

You know how every time you try to motivate yourself to lose weight, you imagine this awesome version of yourself hiking and rock climbing and cooking stir fries and eating nothing but healthy food?

Doubletop peak!

Well, at some point you were that girl. And some point before then you were not that girl. And at the same time, you’ve always been that girl. It’s not like you woke up one day and suddenly could run 4 miles without stopping, could cook healthy vegan food all the time without longing for what you give up, and could exercise consistently without forcing yourself to. It was a process then, and it’ll be a process now. You have to have faith in yourself, have faith that you can give up the foods you crave and one day no longer want them anymore.

(looks like Ma actually made this)

DELICIOUS vegetable dumplings!

Stop thinking of it as giving something up. It’s opportunity cost. You can eat the cookie now, but you’re missing out on the opportunity to strengthen your resolve and to be healthy later. Trust yourself. You know you’re strong, and you can be even stronger every day. It just takes avoiding the junk. So far, you haven’t been able to stick with healthy eating for one solid week. I know you can do it, just don’t tempt yourself.

Maine state treat! (I am eating a ginormous whoopie pie)

That’s where it gets you. You think you’re just having one cookie, but that cookie is a gateway sweet. It’ll make you go sugar crazy, and that’s how you got to this point in the first place.

Oatmeal with lotsa fruit

Not totally sure what this is, but it looks really good. I think it's couscous tabbouleh or something

Fruit salad! Looks so good...

So, you know that vision of yourself you keep holding to your heart? You can be that girl. You will be that girl.

You are that girl.

Restin' up between the rocks.

Biked to Ma's!

Outdoors downdog

Cut ma hair

I’ve been eating loads of peanut butter lately. It’s so delicious. Breakfast at the dining hall involves waking up fifteen minutes earlier, which means getting out of bed fifteen minutes earlier, which means fifteen minutes less time of being cozy. So, I’ve resorted to eating fingerfuls of peanut butter straight out of the jar in lieu of a “proper” breakfast. Here’s a secret: my favorite breakfast is a banana smothered in peanut butter. Hey, all I’m doing is cutting out the banana. It’s not that bad. And peanut butter is amazing. Also, don’t buy the unsalted kind. Salted is far superior.

Right now my fridge has some nasty hummus that’s got melted condensation (water) floating on top of it. It makes me sad that I never finished that hummus. The little bit I had was delicious. Sigh.

Wanna see something else gross?

Mmmm, moldy raspberries.

Delicious. Love me some mold. I’m gonna have to clean out my fridge at some point. Not tonight, though. I got a lab report to do.

My ideal dining hall would include a steamed and roasted veggie bar, with goddess dressing, warm coconut butter, almond and peanut butter, avocados, red peppers, spinach, arugula, sun dried tomatoes, spring greens, and all sorts of other veggieful goodness. There would also be goat cheese, eggs, and yogurt from a local farm, and for the meat-eaters, grass-fed beef and free range birds. Sigh. I’m pretty sure no college dining hall has the budget for this kind of food. It would certainly be nice, though This is why I want to live in the co-op next year- I would get to cook my own food, and I would get to support local, sustainable agriculture, instead of agriculture giants that use fertilizers and pesticides and other unpleasant things. I’m not really sure what the point of this post is, other than just me complaining and thinking wishfully.

In other news, today is the first day (I think) since last Monday (Halloween!) that I’ve missed a yoga flow. I woke up early this morning to do yoga, but I had to finish some anthropology reading. I didn’t even finish the reading, either. But, as much as I would love to put yoga ahead of my schoolwork, I can’t. Darn.

Also, today I bought some cheese fries. They were gross. I will not buy cheese fries again. I can’t call myself a vegan- I’m more of a wannabe vegan. But, that’s okay. I eat vegan most of the time, but every now and then I slip up. I don’t think it’s that bad if I’m not vegan all the time. Eventually I want  to be a fully-fledged vegan, but it’s a struggle. I can’t remember how I managed to do it before, but I’ll get there someday. <3

Also, I miss going outside. I walk around outside to get to class and to go eat and such, but I miss hiking and going on Outing Club trips. Being outside is one of my favorite things, and I want to do it more often. It’s nice to get away from society and its pressures. Once you’re outside, you realize how silly a lot of things are. Like Facebook, and email, and texting. These are all important for communication, but we waste a lot of time playing around with our technology. Okay, that’s kind of a heavy topic, maybe I’ll save it for another post or something. My point is, I need to get outside more!

“The human spirit needs places where nature has not been rearranged by the hand of man.” -Unknown

Love,

Julia

What makes you open up your mind and body, centers you, and makes you feel strong?

Yoga!

So, I just started doing yoga again yesterday morning. This picture is from a hiking trip I took with the outing club, and I decided a yoga picture on top of a mountain would look pretty sweet. Then, I decided that I want to start doing yoga again. Over the summer, I dabbled in yoga for a bit, but it only lasted for about a week.

I actually have a good reason- it was tomato season at the farm, and the farm harvests a lot of tomatoes. Farm members with a larger share got 16-20 pounds of tomatoes, and members with a smaller share got 8-10 pounds of tomatoes. Every day, there would be about 350 members. I would deal with half of those members in my morning or afternoon shift, which means I would lift about 2,362.5 pounds of tomatoes a day (but not all at once!). I’d usually lift a couple boxes that weighed about 20-30 pounds all together, but doing that all day plus lifting boxes of potatoes and beets really gives you an arm workout! So, my arms were sore all week, and that happened to be the week I started doing yoga. My arms did not like doing yoga and working at the farm, so I had to stop doing yoga pretty soon after I started.

But, now I’m starting it again, and I love it. It feels awesome. If I’m in a bad mood, yoga gets rid of it. If I feel sluggish, yoga opens me up and makes me feel refreshed. The best part is that it only takes twenty minutes, and it doesn’t give me a crazy appetite like running used to. Yay yoga! My sister wants to take me to a class at some point, and I’m a little nervous, because I don’t know much about yoga. I only know the one flow I memorized from when I did yoga for a week over the summer. But, I guess I gotta learn some more at some point!

I also want to take some nice walks on the hiking trails around the school. We have an arboretum, and I’ve been running on the trails. They’re not so good for running, since they’re slippery and there’s a lot of roots and rocks, but they’re perfect for walking! Hiking is also nice. I like walking and hiking because I like to move, but I don’t like gasping for breath when I push myself too hard while running. Hiking is great because it’s in the wild, and it’s so rewarding to get to the top of a mountain. Maybe one of these days I’ll hike up a mountain and do a yoga flow at the top!

Love,

Jules

When I became vegetarian at the ripe old age of nine, I vaguely thought about not eating cheese and eggs. Once I learned about factory farms, I knew immediately that I could never eat meat again. I didn’t fully connect the cruelty of factory farms to dairy and eggs because I guess I just didn’t think about their status as animal products that much. They were just food to me, and after all, Lisa Simpson, my primary motivator for vegetarianism, didn’t go vegan.

Fast forward to 2008. When I was a freshman in high school, I tried to be vegan for a bit. It didn’t work. I can’t remember exactly why, but I’m pretty sure it had something to do with the fact that I was eating in a dining hall, since I couldn’t tell if foods were vegan or not and I became overwhelmed by all the non-vegan deliciousness that surrounded me. So, I quickly gave up. I’m also going to mention that for the first time since I went vegetarian, I ate meat. This was before my attempted veganism. After hanging out with friends and seeing them eat meat, I decided, “f*ck it, I want some meat,” and I went through a short-lived period of omnivorousness. I quickly returned to my vegetarian ways, attempted veganism, and went back to being vegetarian again.

Fast forward again to later 2008. I became vegan for real over the summer, and despite many bumps along the way (most baked goods are unfortunately not vegan) I became a full-fledged vegan. I read nutrition labels and ingredient lists voraciously, baked myself vegan desserts almost daily (usually healthy vegan desserts, though, like whole wheat oatmeal cookies and muffins made with whole wheat and apple sauce), cooked up colorful veggie stir fries, and begged my parents to take me to Whole Foods frequently. I always think back to the summer of 2009 when I was fully immersed in my veganism. I was happy and healthy. My skin was clear, I ran five days a week, I biked to and from my job on an organic farm, and I began an interest in hiking and other outdoorsy activities. I broke my veganism for a week, when I went hiking with my dad and my brother, because I didn’t want to inconvenience them. I went right back to being vegan as soon as we got home, though.

Now, I made it through that wonderful summer (I think of it as the best summer of my life, not just because I was vegan, but because I was living every aspect of my life in accordance with my ideals. I worked on an organic farm, I stopped wearing makeup, I was active, and I was happy,) and then I returned to school for my junior year of high school.

After joining the cross country team, I got shin splints after our first race and couldn’t run anymore. To be honest, I was never that dedicated to begin with. I hated racing, because I just like to run for the sake of running and clearing my head. Racing put way too much pressure on me and made running less enjoyable. So, I stopped running, and in November of 2009, I quit being vegan. My sister convinced me to start eating egg whites from free-range eggs, which (in my opinion) are healthy and cruelty-free. Now, I know all about how free range isn’t really free range, but when we were talking about it, we meant eggs that were produced without cruelty.

I’ll always remember the moment that I stopped being vegan. I took some free range eggs from the shelf at Trader Joe’s (they probably were produced with cruelty, but I didn’t want to think about that), and headed straight to the cheese puffs. Aside from the cheese puffs, I ate pretty healthily for an ex-vegan. Breakfast was a banana with peanut butter and a bowl of yogurt, or yogurt and cereal mushed together. Lunch was still a salad, and dinner was whatever my mom made.

My mom is the most wonderful woman I know, because she has put up with my changing diet constantly and makes me food according to whatever I label myself as. When I go to her house for dinner, she asks me “are you vegan today?” and I usually answer yes, even though sometimes I’m not. Even before I was vegetarian, my mom would make me and my siblings fried tofu sticks and healthy whole grain cookies (with chocolate chips, so we would eat them), and taught all of us the importance of healthy, wholesome food. She supported my vegetarianism whole-heartedly, and has cooked me vegetarian food for dinner ever since I first became vegetarian almost ten years ago.

Now, back to my journey away from veganism. As I said, I ate pretty healthily for the most part after I stopped being vegan. However, the unhealthy food started to sneak in. I would start eating ice cream for dessert, and I would snitch my dad’s Shoprite cookies daily. My acne came back, I gained weight, and I was never as happy as I was during the summer.
It only got worse. Once I got my license, one of my best friends and I started hanging out constantly since we could finally get to each other’s houses without working around our parents’ schedules. We would go to the grocery store for donuts and kit kats, and while she could eat just a little bit of the junk food, I had no self control. I started binging on sweets, and soon I had gained ten pounds since I stopped being vegan.

Over the summer, I kept hanging out with my friend and I kept eating unhealthily. I started wearing makeup again, because we liked to go and meet boys and get attention. I “forgot” about the cruelty involved with makeup, the animal testing and the unknown chemicals contained in all my different powders and potions. I just wanted to look pretty and get male attention. I started to think in terms of what would make me happy, which usually ended up being looking pretty and eating junk food. The thing is, these habits just made me feel worse. There was always, and there still has been, a nagging sense of guilt about the products I’m buying.

A couple weeks ago, I went to the school store to buy “nice” shampoo that was tested on animals. I was sick of having hair that wasn’t as shiny and pretty as other girls’, just because I was nice enough to not buy products tested on animals. I actually thought to myself, what’s the point in caring about animal rights if no one gives you credit for it? Now, I know that’s silly. I know that the reward is in knowing that you’re not causing harm to another living being. But in my desperation for friends and male attention, since I was just starting college, I threw my morality out the window and gave in to mainstream society because I was sick of being the only one brave enough to stick up for animal rights. By doing so, I became another one of the masses, too scared to stick up for animal rights. It was foolish, but pretty soon after I realized my errors and put my shampoo out in a hall with a note on it, describing my moral reasoning for not using it. Someone else has that shampoo now, and part of me hoped that by reading about why I couldn’t use it, no one else would want to either. I guess I was wrong, but oh well. At least now the shampoo isn’t going to waste.

So, now we’re at my senior year. I kept binging on sweets and I kept gaining weight. I kept thinking about how shitty I felt, and how I was getting fat and why was I such a failure for stopping being vegan? Why couldn’t I just stop eating so much junk food and go back to my old healthy ways? I kept beating myself up for not being vegan, for binging, for not being in touch with my morality. I realize now that that is an unhealthy attitude. If I don’t value myself highly, how will I do what’s right for my body?

So, the binging on sweets and the self-destructive attitude continued. Now, I have gained 25 pounds since I first stopped being vegan, and it’s been making me feel like shit ever since. I know that being vegan won’t fix my self-esteem issues and can’t instantly bring back that happiness I felt two years ago, but I do know that being vegan is what’s right for me. I was truly happy when I was vegan, because I was living in accord with my ideals. I wasn’t harming animals, I wasn’t harming the planet, and I was healthy. Really, truly healthy. I want to be able to rock climb and hike and swim and kayak and canoe and climb mountains, and I want to do all these things without lugging around an extra 25 pounds. I want to go to the dining hall and eat a meal without getting dessert. I want to feel as happy as I did two years ago, and I know that veganism is the only way I can be that happy. My desire to go vegan again and to lose those 25 pounds isn’t just because I want to lose weight and look good. It stems from a desire to do right by the animals and do right by the planet, and ultimately, to do right by myself.